more on this....

Huh, this is just crazy!!! I am saddened and have shed some tears, but relieved at the same time. I said that I would take anything over CA or a life threatening illness, so here it is. We can get through this, it will just take a while.
Amaya is NOT to jump, run or play any high impact or competitive sports. She IS able to ride horses, but not able to trot or canter. She is sad about this, and just states, "I want to do whatever I want on the horse". In a couple of years, hopefully, she will be back to normal with minimal effects into her adulthood.
We have to watch this closely, as there are risks of dislocating that hip through all the stages of the disease. If that happens they will have to take measures to keep it in. (most probable- hip surgery) We are just hoping and praying that she will not need that and this will be a minimalist type of the disease. It is just a wait and see, doing xrays periodically throughout to keep an eye on it.
She doesn't have a lot of pain, but it it DOES get worse with activity. Such a nice, gentle reminder of the dying bone. (ugh!)
She is such a tough little girl, and has taken this all so well, we are so proud of her!

On another note, her legs are the same length again, and her gait is so much better. Physical therapy (Marty) has helped sooo much. I know that when we get to the recovery/bone growing stage that she will still need the PT, and it is nice to already know the therapist and to really like him.

I was talking to Amaya last night about this and she came up with such great questions.

#1 Why did this happen to me? It just happens, for no reason. You didn't do anything wrong, we didn't do anything wrong, it just happens.
#2 What happens to the bone part that dies? It just reabsorbs in your body, it kind of just dissolves.
Amaya- oh, just like those color tablets that we put in the bath tub to change the color of the water?
Mom- Just like those, what a great reference!
#3 If I jump, will it dent the bone more? No, it won't dent the bone more, but may cause more injury and pain.

All of these types of posts are to be continued.....

Define LCPD

Legg-Calve'-Perthes Disease

The National Osteonecrosis Foundation

Legg-Calvé-Perthes disease is a rare disease of the hip that afflicts approximately 1 in 1200 children. Of those children, only about one in four are girls. About 5% of all diagnosed develop the disease in both hips (bilaterally). Most of these children are very active and often very athletic. The age of diagnosis is usually between 2 and 12 years old, with the average age of 6. Legg-Calve'-Perthes children tend to be of shorter stature due to delayed bone age.

What is Legg-Perthes Disease?

Legg-Calvé-Perthes disease (LCPD) is a form of osteonecrosis of the hip that is found only in children. It is known by a few other names such as ischemic necrosis of the hip, coxa plana, osteochondritis and avascular necrosis of the femoral head. Most commonly it is called Legg-Perthes disease, LCPD, or Perthes.

LCPD is of unknown origin. It is known that bone death occurs in the ball of the hip due to an interruption in blood flow. As bone death occurs, the ball develops a fracture of the supporting bone. This fracture signals the beginning of bone reabsorption by the body. As bone is slowly absorbed, it is replaced by new tissue and bone.

Initial Phase
Reabsorption Phase
Reossification Phase/Healed


Four Stages of LCPD

Femoral head becomes more dense with possible fracture of supporting bone;
Fragmentation and reabsorption of bone;
Reossification when new bone has regrown; and
Healing, when new bone reshapes.

Phase I takes about 6-12 months, Phase 2 takes one year or more, and Phase 3 and 4 may go on for many years.


Who is at Risk?

There is no specific cause known for LCPD, however, there are some risk factors. Some of the factors identified as possible links include children who are small for their age and are extremely active. The disease is found more often in Asians, Eskimos, and Whites, with a much lower incidence found in Australian aboriginals, Native American, Polynesians and Blacks. Exposure to secondhand smoke is correlated with LCPD.


First Symptoms

The first symptoms characterized in LCPD are usually a limp and perhaps pain in the hip, groin, or knee (known as a referred pain). Often you will first notice limping during your child's active play. They usually cannot tell you an instance when they hurt themselves. They may not be able to tell you exactly where they hurt, especially if the pain is referred toward the knee area. They may not even experience much pain. Other cases may not be diagnosed until some precipitating event (fall, twisting injury) leads to an x-ray that uncovers the previously undiagnosed Legg-Calve'-Perthes disease.

Diagnosis

Initial diagnosis will require an x-ray, magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or bone scan. Other diagnostic measures may include tests for limitation of abduction, a measurement of the thigh to determine muscle atrophy, and tests to determine the child's range of motion.

Extent of Disease

It is rare for a patient to have whole head involvement. However, age can play an important role in the prognosis of the disease. New bone growth typically reshapes better in younger children and it may improve with growth.

There are several different classifications used to determine severity of disease and prognosis.

The Catteral Classification specifies four different groups to define radiographic appearance during the period of greatest bone loss.

The Salter-Thomson Classification simplifies the Catteral Classifications by reducing them down to two groups: Group A (Catteral I, II) which shows that less than 50% of the ball is involved, and Group B (Catteral Ill, IV) where more than 50% of the ball is involved. Both classifications share the view that if less than 50% of the ball is involved, the prognosis is good, while more than 50% involvement indicates a potentially poor prognosis.

The Herring Classification studies the integrity of the lateral pillar of the ball. In the Lateral Pillar Group A, there is no loss of height in the lateral 1/3 of the head and little density change. In Lateral Pillar Group B, there is lucency and loss of height of less than 50% of the lateral height. Sometimes the ball is beginning to extrude the socket. In Lateral Pillar Group C, there is more than 50% loss of lateral height.

Many doctors utilize these classifications as they provide an accurate method of determining prognosis and help in determining the appropriate form of treatment.

Prevention
There is no known effective preventative measure.

TREATMENT

The Goal

The goal of treatment is four-fold:
I) to reduce hip irritability
2) restore and maintain hip mobility
3) to prevent the ball from extruding or collapsing
4) to regain a spherical femoral head

Types of Treatment

Often at the initial diagnosis, the physician may take a "wait and see" approach to get a clearer picture of the progression of the disease. As long as the patient's symptoms are mild, the physician may only prescribe physical therapy exercises to help maintain good range of motion. If the patient's mobility changes, then the physician may prescribe either non-surgical or surgical treatment.

Non-Surgical TreatmentNon-surgical treatments come in varying forms. Crutches are used for non-weight bearing treatment for pain. Casts, traction, and braces help return range of motion and mobility. Range of motion exercises may be given to you by your physical therapist to do with your child in the home.

Surgical TreatmentTenotomyA "Tenotomy" is a surgery that is performed to release an atrophied muscle that has shortened due to limping. Once released, a cast is applied allowing the muscle to regrow to a more natural length. Cast time is about six to eight weeks.

Osteotomy

There are different types of "osteotomies" (cutting the bone to reposition it) and, depending on the need they are performed at different stages of the disease. At times with the softening of the ball, there is the possibility of the ball slipping out of the socket. To protect it, a femoral varus osteotomy, with or without rotation partially redirects the ball into the socket.

Another approach to surgically treating Legg-Calve'- Perthes is to do an osteotomy above the hip socket. This allows the surgeon to reposition the hip socket in such a way that the femoral head will have less tendency to become deformed. The shelf arthroplasty gives added coverage of the ball from the top lip of the socket. Both the innominate and the shelf arthroplasty help in reshaping.


LOOKING TO THE FUTURE

Studies on long-term results of LCPD indicate that the incidence of late degenerative osteoarthritis is dependent on two factors. If the ball reshapes well and fits well in the socket, arthritis is usually not a concern. If the ball does not reshape well, but the socket's shape still conforms to the ball, the patient will tend to develop mild arthritis in later adulthood. Patients who~ femoral head does not shape well and does not fit well in the socket usually develop degenerative arthritis before the age of 50.

Although Legg-Calvé-Perthes disease cannot be prevented, much has been accomplished toward minimizing its effects. Research and clinical studies continue to provide patients with better long-term results.

This picture sickens me. You can see on the left side of the picture (pt's right) the dissolution of the bone. The neck of the femur is pretty much gone, and the bone is all jagged. This, I assume, is the latter stages. Crazy to think that this is what is going to happen!!!

Note: This is NOT an xray of Amaya, it is just to show what will/may happen over this course of disease.

This is just a different site I copied from, it gives more of the signs and symptoms. I swear, this could have been written after Amaya. She is the textbook case with these symptoms.


One in 1200 children younger than 15 years is affected by LCPD.

Outcome is extremely variable.

Race
Caucasians are affected more frequently than persons of other races.

Sex
Males are affected 4-5 times more often than females.

Age
LCPD most commonly is seen in persons aged 3-12 years, with a median age of 7 years.

Clinical History
Symptoms of Legg-Calv é -Perthes disease usually have been present for weeks because the child often does not complain.
Hip or groin pain, which may be referred to the thigh
Mild or intermittent pain in anterior thigh or knee
Limp
Usually no history of trauma


Physical

Decreased range of motion (ROM), particularly with internal rotation and abduction
Painful gait
Atrophy of thigh muscles secondary to disuse
Muscle spasm
Leg length inequality due to collapse
Thigh atrophy: Thigh circumference on the involved side will be smaller than on the unaffected side secondary to disuse.
Short stature: Children with LCPD often have delayed bone age.
Roll test
With patient lying in the supine position, the examiner rolls the hip of the affected extremity into external and internal rotation.
This test should invoke guarding or spasm, especially with internal rotation.


Causes

The etiology of Legg-Calv é -Perthes disease remains unclear; however, the following scenario generally is accepted:
The blood supply to the capital femoral epiphysis is interrupted.

Bone infarction occurs, especially in the subchondral cortical bone, while articular cartilage continues to grow. (Articular cartilage grows because its nutrients come from the synovial fluid.)
Revascularization occurs, and new bone ossification starts.
At this point, a percentage of patients develop LCPD, while other patients have normal bone growth and development.
LCPD is present when a subchondral fracture occurs. This is usually the result of normal physical activity, not direct trauma to the area
Changes to the epiphyseal growth plate occur secondary to the subchondral fracture.




Follow-up

Legg-Calv é -Perthes disease (LCPD) does not require emergent inpatient care.
Treatment may involve observation, usually in children younger than 6 years.
Bed rest and abduction stretching exercises are recommended.
Nonsurgical containment allows the femoral head to stay within the acetabulum, where it can be molded. Various casts, braces, and crutches have been used for containment.
Initially, close follow-up is required to determine the extent of necrosis.
Once the healing phase has been entered, follow-up can be every 6 months.
Long-term follow-up is necessary to determine the final outcome.
Surgical correction of gross deformities of the femoral head may be necessary.


Complications

LCPD may result in femoral head deformity and degenerative joint disease.
The femoral head may be distorted permanently.


Prognosis

The younger the age of onset of LCPD, the better the prognosis.
Children older than 10 years have a very high risk of developing osteoarthritis.
Most patients have a favorable outcome.
Prognosis is proportional to the degree of radiologic involvement.

MRI

Amaya's MRI got moved up to last Friday night, 5 days early!! Because I thought that she could tolerate not being sedated, they figured that they would try it. So, we went Fri night at 8:45. She got there, chatted with the nice lady, and lied on the table. They put a medium size pair of goggles over her eyes, then put earphones on her ears and she was able to watch and hear the movie BOLT during the entire procedure. She did soooo great. About 3/4 through the procedure, they had to stop to put a small IV line in to give her some contrast. Contrast helps get a better picture for different things. For example, it helps an infection show up easier, so, contrast it was. She cried more before the poke than she did when the actually poked her. She said that she didn't even feel it!! Brave girl. We are so proud of her. So now we are just waiting to see what the results of this test are.....tick tock once again. I plan on calling Dr Dixon's office this week, like Tuesday to see if they can call and get the results faxed to them instead of waiting for it to come in the mail. I know I am inpatient, but anyone in the medical field knows the true waiting times, and this won't be unrealistic. Hopefully we will have results in a few days, and they are good results. I will take anything other than cancer as a good result, even if she ends up needing some sort of surgery.
To be continued.....

Amaya Basketball

I am late to blog this, but it was Amaya at basketball this year. She loved to play, and actually did well, scoring a few points each game that she played. Her Daddy was an assistant coach, which I think Amaya secretly LOVED. (as did SCOTT) Unfortunately, her season was cut short with leg pain....that got worse with the running. She tried so hard to keep playing that Scott said she would hop down the court, and would stand at the other end on only one leg. Poor girl! We are hoping this instills a love for sports. (bball preferably per Scott)


Amaya making a basket! Just look at that form!!!!


This is Amaya and Shayna. Shayna is Amaya's best friend and they are in the same second grade class together. She came with us to watch a game.

Rats!!!

So, I am feeling much better. Still have the fear of the unknown, but feeling better! Once again, Amaya is doing very well, blah, blah, blah....

The new things around our house are Lilly and Nibbles. They are rats. They are actually a pretty cool pet, oh, did I forget to mention that they are our new house pets. We bought them at the petstore, we didn't catch them under the fridge or anything. So, the kids got to get these because Scott is allergic to almost everything under the sun (even the rats), but we thought that these would be much easier to contain than a dog or cat.....and way cooler than a lizard (which is what Amaya wanted at first), or a fish. They are very smart animals, and make me laugh. They are learning to trust us and come hop on your hands if you open the cage door and just wait for them. They play with little wooden blocks, drag things around their cage and crawl up the walls. Their little feet look like little hands, it cracks me up. And, you can even train these little creatures! All the kids like them and they are a great sense of entertainment for us right now. Pics to come later. (of course)

Funk

I am in a funk............I am feeling a bit sad, overwhelmed, and even depressed. I am able to live and not think of this, but it seems to always be in the back of my mind. Amaya had her appt. with the orthopedic specialist last week. She still has an "irritated hip", so we need to get an MRI to see what is going on with it. When we were ready to leave the office and I was feeling pretty good, excited even, to get this MRI done, but when I saw what he wrote for the diagnosis, my mouth dropped, and a horrible feeling came over me. Rule out neoplasm, that is what it said. I can't get this out of my head. The only type of neoplasm that I have ever heard is about a cancer.....So, I just looked up more on google about this, and started to cry. I had to close out the google search.
The appointment isn't til April 1st, that is like 10 days away still. I want to know NOW. I feel like Veruca Salts on Charlie and the Chocolate factory, I want it now!!.....then she went down the "bad egg" thing. Anyways, it kills me to wait like this, and to not have connections. This sucks!!!

All in all, Amaya has been doing very well. Her legs are the same length again, she doesn't walk like she is crippled anymore, and can even run. She is still having pain here and there, but it is tolerable. It just reminds me of the unknown problem. She is still going to PT 2 times a week, and seems to progress, but the problem still exists. Marty (the PT) told me last week that he feels that it is "something structural" in there that is causing this decreased ROM, we will just have to see.

To be continued.....

Bully??

A couple of weeks ago, Jake got off the bus and had a small conversation with me.
It went something like this.

J: Mom, there were 2 boys on the bus teasing me.

M: What were they teasing you about?

J: I don't remember. (the kid really has a memory like an elephant, so he just didn't want to tell me)

M: Well, what were they saying?

J: I don't remember.

M: Well, what did you say to them when they were teasing you?

J: I told them...I'm going to beat the crap out of you!!! Then they left me alone.

Now, I don't condone this behavior, nor do I condone this type of talking. However, I have to say that I started cracking up! I couldn't believe he said this to 2 kids as they were bullying him. Good for him to stick up for himself, but not so good to talk that way.
I had words with what he said, but am happy that he didn't put up with kids teasing or picking on him.

Dr. Forness

We went to Dr. Forness, a pediatric orthopedic, today in GR. He came in wearing a Bert and Ernie tie, then proceeded to ask Amaya who the characters on his tie were. She replied with "those are the guys with Elmo". We laughed. He was really nice, and made Amaya feel really comfortable.


He seems very concerned with her left hip. She has a really decreased mobility on that side, which will aggregate the other problems of her "knocked knee" and turn that foot in even more. He called the pigeon toe's, "inward toes". He said that is not a problem and that it is a sign that her hips are a little looser and that people with this "problem" are usually fast runners because their joints move a little more. So, I am happy to report that it is not a problem at all. As far as the "knocked knees", he says that we will talk about that later. He did measure the length between the two ankles, and it is 7 cm. Usually people extend their legs down straight, and the feet or ankles tend to touch. Hers don't. The big thing.....we need to worry about this hip right now. There is something going on and we need it to "calm down".

She went for xrays, right in the office, then reviewed them with us. All the lengths are normal, no one bone is longer than the other... causing the longer looking L leg, and the joints look normal. So, what is it?

He has a couple things in mind at this point. The first thing is RA (rheumatoid arthritis), as soon as he stated that, the next thing he asked was..."does it run in the family at all?" (You might say...Grandma Pat, Granny Linda....and then there is me!) She had some blood drawn to run some lab tests to figure this out. The problem with this is, on kids, the RA tests usually come back negative, even when they really are positive.( A false negative) He says looking at her right now, it looks like that, and that she may need an MRI and a follow up with a pediatric rheumatologist. He is putting her on naproxen, which is an anti inflammatory to see if we can help it for the time being. The other thing that it may be is something that starts with a "B", I don't remember the name, but it sounds bad. It is when the top of the femur bone, at the growth plate, dies. (I made a gasping sound when we were in the office and he told us this) He said that if this is the case, that the head would grow back, but tends to not grow back correctly, and is sometimes mis shapen. Anything to do with a bone growth plate on a child is bad. It means chronic problems for the rest of a life, and even surgery. He said that this is not showing up on the xray right now, and being that it has been going on for like 3 weeks already, that he thinks he would be able to see it there. So, back to the big question....What is it??

She is to do NO running, jumping, or any sports (NO BASKETBALL SCOTT!) right now, and we follow back up in 2 weeks. He wants to see if the naproxen helps the situation.....leaning towards RA, if that is the case. He said that we can continue with physical therapy, since it is not hurting her, and hey...who doesn't want a massage 2 times a week. Definitely DO NOT go to a chiropractor for this, it is not something that can just be adjusted, and kids shouldn't go to the chiropractor anyways. ( he is even a DO, and does some manipulation in his practice )

He did say there were some other things for causes, but wants to work on these two things right now and that the others were "zebras". So, we will wait and see.....
To be continued....

Basketball

I called home from work to check on the basketball games, and to see how Amaya was after jumping around last night. Scott said that she played 2 of the 8 quarters (I know that doesn't make the correct amount of quarters, but don't know the real term used in basketball...so, quarters it is). He said that she would limp and pretty much hop down the quart, through the pain. She did make 2 baskets, but she decided to stop after those 2 "quarters". I am proud of her for that. She tried.

Jumping?

Amaya had the physical therapy today, Friday. She is walking better than she has in weeks. Still not normal, but less bent over and curved in. This makes me happy, as if the PT is already helping, and at least she is loose enough to be a little more comfortable. So, tonight she is jump roping ( I don't think that she should be, but whatever.....let her do it ), and even says that she wants to play bball tomorrow. We will have to see.

I'm so excited!!

Amaya has her appt. with the pediatric orthopedic specialist first thing Monday morning!!! I can't wait to hurry and up and wait some more to get test results back. No really, I feel a huge sense of relief to just have that appt. so we can get the ball rolling and get xrays and whatever else that is needed to figure out and treat this.

Physical Therapy

Alright, today, Thursday, I brought Amaya back to the doctor. I felt that they should be seeing what I am seeing with all her "crookedness". Donna examined her, then actually went and got Dr Dixon to see too. He thought that the difference in the length of her legs was "pretty significant", as was the difference in the height of her hips. They got her in to physical therapy today at 300pm. Donna also said that sometimes they will call back to the office with their preliminary thoughts if they had an interesting patient (of course, Amaya will be interesting).
Three o'clock we meet a nice man named Marty at the Spine and Sports therapy place. He makes Amaya feel comfortable and she even laughs at times. Marty finds many things wrong from a therapist's point of view, but figures that she will need some pretty specific tests to see what is all the cause of it.
Some problems:
Amaya is "knock knee'd" which she has been since she was very little, except she has a pretty "significant" angle on the L lower leg. (where it is supposed to go straight down from the knee, hers angles outward.
Her L foot's ROM (range of motion) is that of a board. There is no give, where it is supposed to give.
Her R hip area is extremely tight.
Her L side, rib area is extremely tight with limited ROM. She is not even able to rock her hips from side to side, because it is that tight. She has to literally pick up her L leg to move her hip on that side.
When she stands up, she doesn't straighten her L leg. #1, because it hurts, and #2 because of the hip and whatever else problem.
Basically she is all crooked. This is so crazy, because before the leg pain, there was none of this. We haven't noticed anything wrong, nor have there been any complaints.
She has trouble getting pants on, getting shoes on, walking, or even just getting into the van. It is so sad to see. I am praying that this will be something that is easily treated, and then she will be able to get back to her normal activity.

I Lean

There truely is something going on with Amaya. So, this morning, after talking with the doctor's office, Amaya was standing in the kitchen. The one leg all cock eyed, as the usual lately.

Mom: Stand up and see if you can straighten both of your legs.
A: I can't
M: Why not?
A: I can't because one of my legs is shorter than the other...
M: What do you mean, your leg is shorter than the other?
A: I can't because this leg is shorter than this leg!!
M:What? Your leg is shorter than the other leg??????? Sit down and let me see.

Amaya sat on the floor and extended both of her legs, and sure enough, the R leg is 1-2 inches shorter than the L leg. (Are you kidding me????)

M: How long has it been this way, when did you notice it?
A: When I swing on the swings I notice it. (Seriously, since Summer??? This is what I am thinking....BAD MOM!!)

I proceed to call Scott and tell him what is happening, then make a call to Dr Dixons, to cancel the ortho appt here in Grand Haven and tell them what is going on and that I want a pediatric orthopedic, because this is going to be a chronic thing. I am sad. I am thinking of the future, will she be a gimp? Will she have one leg shorter than the other? Will she be the "I lean", in the joke- What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Will she have a cane, will she be able to get a boyfriend? Will she be able to play sports, will she be able to ride horses?? (she would be so completely sad) I know, I know, stupid thoughts at a time like this, and to be honest, I am sooooooo much happier with a short leg in comparison to Leukemia. But, these are my thoughts at this point.
In further inspection of my beautiful specimen. I think that her hips are crooked. So it might not be the leg and be something completely different. Whatever the problem, it is still there and we need to follow up with ortho. (It can't be soon enough for me)
More thoughts...will she need surgery? Okay, I need to stop thinking about it and wait to see the doctor. That is what I have decided, and I am alright with this now. It has taken me all day to get to this point, but it is okay, and she will be okay.
Glass is full, Glass is full!!!

Glass Half Full

Last week, Amaya and I went to Meijer. When we walked in, I noticed a young girl, about Amaya's age who was bald. Within 10 seconds, Amaya noticed her too, and made a little noise....like she was scared. I explained to her that sometimes people, including little kids, have to take medicine that can make their hair fall out. Still, she was a bit hesitant, and told me it made her scared, because she had never seen a bald little girl before. Then we were off to do our shopping.
Amaya's left thigh hurts. It has for 10 days. She started limping on it on a Saturday, after her basketball game. Scott watched the game, and said she never limped, hurt herself, or even complained of it during the game, so as far as we know, there is no real injury to it. There is no bruise, redness, swelling, hard bump or anything that would indicate a problem, just pain. This pain increases when she walks ( aka weight bearing). Last Thursday, still in pain, and walking like a gimp, I decided that she shouldn't still be in pain, and decided that she go see the doctor, so off we went. Donna, the nurse praticioner, said that she thought that it was a torn muscle, got an xray (which came back negative), and said that we should give it time, motrin, hot compresses/soaks, and use a heating pad. Like a good doobie, we did as she said.
Today is Tuesday, 10 long days after this started. Amaya came home from school crying, "I can't even keep up with my kids at school to walk with them, because it hurts too bad". She says that the pain is worse and is even hurting at rest, when sitting. Still no signs of injury, such as bruise, redness, etc.... I even called the school and talked with Mrs. Clauss (Amaya's teacher) to see how she has been at school. She said that she was actually going to write me a note about it today, because she is still having trouble with it hurting, and walking.
I'm a nurse and all, and believe that I have a good base knowledge on this kind of stuff, but sometimes I tend to put stuff off longer than other people (like the time that Jake was hospitalized for 7 days and diagnosed with asthma). Sometimes, I over react....I always think the worst! I didn't in this case, OK, I thought it, but didn't dwell on it, or even voice it to anyone, but thought it.
I decided, after trying to get ahold of our doctor without answer, that I would bring her to DeVos Children's Hospital. I want a pediatric radiologist to read the xray. I do trust a regular rad, but I think that I trust a ped's one so much more when it comes to my kids. We got up to the ER at 530pm, and didn't get into a room til around 730. Holy smokes, that is a busy place. The doc came in, got more xrays, then decided after the xrays came back negative that they were going to do some blood tests. Because there is no apparent injury, and she has this continued pain, we have to rule out something like leukemia, and some other stuff. OK, I admit it, I did think it, but thought it was a way out, far fetch of an idea. I mean, come on, it is just a hurt leg!! Anyways, that was me trying to soothe myself in my head. I knew better than that, it is a possibility. I just didn't want to believe it was possible. I told Amaya that she had to have her blood drawn, and she started to cry. I wanted to cry so bad, but didn't want to scare her. She kept telling me that she was scared, and I would talk to her, telling her about the pending procedure, all the meanwhile, in my head I was the one scared, thinking of that little girl at Meijer without the hair, and how she was scared of her bald head. Wondering how she would be without her hair, when she is just beginning to grow it out again. As we sat there talking, and keeping her mind off the impending poke, I got some pictures out of my purse. Once again, back to the hair, she was complimenting herself on her long hair when she was 2 yrs younger. How ironic it was for me.
They came and drew her blood, and she did a fabulous job (with the help of some EMLA cream-numbing). Tick tock, tick tock......time went by. We read an entire chapter book, and finally the doc came back in.
All the lab tests came back negative!! We don't know what is going on, but we do know that it isn't the big stuff, is what he told us. Follow up in 2 days if not better (she will need an orthopedic referral if this continues). Amaya has no idea of what this night meant to me, or to Scott. All I wanted to do is go and vomit. Get dressed, we are going home!
I pray to God pretty much daily. I am not all fancy about it. It is usually at the silliest of times, like driving down the road, just hanging with my kids, or whenever I feel the urge. I make sure that I don't only pray when I need something, mostly it is for other people, but many times it is just to say that I am thankful for my family, their health, and the friendships that I have.
I grew up in a more pessimistic household. There wasn't much optimism, so I am one to look around and wonder. I guess that as I was in that ER room, I was wondering, is this what God has in store for us? Is this what He thinks that we need, leukemia? As I sat in the waiting room there, looking around, there was a little girl, must have been about 5, but looked small for her age. She was pale and sickly looking. If I had triaged her at my work, I would have brought her right back. We waited at least 1 1/2 hours near her, went for an xray, came back and was called into a room before her. I heard her mom say that she passed out at home, yet, she seemed so calm. I assumed that this must not be new for her, and that they have been in before. I felt sad, like why me? All my kids are healthy, I have a good life. Why is she the sick one, why was she chosen to be sick? What does He have in store for us? It is not good to sit and wait in life to see what bad things are going to happen. I just can't help it. I have been through a lot in my life, just different stuff. I have to be optimistic...the glass if half full!!! (damnit)
After all the thinking that I have done tonight, Amaya came home and had a funny grin on for Scott. She was hiding her hand behind her back, like she had something to show him. She did, her battle wound from the blood draw, and her ID band from the hospital. She has no idea, other that she just had an xray and some labs drawn, and that she got to stay up late on a school night. She is happy, she is an optimist!!